MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE August23,2008: 3 Roseville Women Lost at Fair- Feared Dead

3 Roseville Women Lost at State Fair-

Feared DeadTragedy once again struck at the Minnesota State fair today as three women who attended the fair, have not yet returned home. Amanda Hugenkiss, Lezley Bonstripghetklin, and Julia Wermermanjensen, all of Roseville, Minnesota; were last scene at the fair in search of the perfect Corn Dog. "It was her life's ambition..." sobbed Julia's mother "She wanted to find the most exceptional corn dog, steal the recipe, sell it on Ebay, make a million dollars, and put it all up her nose".

The last time the three women were scene was strolling along Dan Patch avenue, when apparently a long haired street person approached them with a note. "I saw 'dem give 'dis guy some munney", said Billy the Kiss-ass, a traveling carnie with Royal American Shows. "He gave 'dem sump'in and they kicked him in the crotch, took back 'da munney and ran off wif 'da paper." Then the long haired street person vomited and started rolling around in a pool of his own sick singing "I'm a little tea pot". Two State fair police arrived and began beating the man with knight sticks until he lost consciousness, at which point they pushed him behind a garbage can and left him in the sun.

"Her Friends were Idiot Whores! said Michael Bonstripghetklin, Liza's father. "It doesn't surprise me one bit that they are lost. Those three morons couldn't find the 7 -eleven store by our house; and we lived next door to it!"

A small boy who was severely sunburned mentioned that he thought he saw the three women heading in the direction of the Midway, and that they looked very confused. "They all had on backstreet Boyz T-shirts and they kept running into things like they were drunk." Unfortunately it was later learned that the sunburned boy was completely blind from an earlier incident of duct taping a glass mayonnaise jar containing 5 wasps to his face on a bet, and he had now become a habitual liar.

What is known, from various security camera footage and reports of non-blind people, is that the three women were seen approaching the midway, they were seen buying lemonade and throwing it on each other, the were also seen cavorting with a three legged man, python girl, lobster boy, and headless Bob, all of which work in the fair's "lost children recovery room".

As of yet, the three women have not yet been found. A traveling Carnie did say however, "The last time someting like 'dis happened we found 'em all chained in a trunk in Psycho Steve's trailer, being forced to read comic books and fart classical concertos of Listz, and Brahm's. The only classical music farting I have heard coming from Psycho Steve's trailer this season is a little Bach and some Beethoven ...so they must be someplace else.

...See what you have missed today at the fair