STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIP

"Dude! I really gotta take a leak! Can you see anyone taking a nap, resting or passed out in the sun?, I don't wanna waste it!"

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIP

"Oh CRAP! ...Another rider with a weak stomach...and bowels to match!

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE AUGUST 27, 2008

WOMAN MAULED BY HAWK MASCOTIn a shocking display of civil obedience today, A local Olivia, Minnesota Woman was attacked by a normally calm bird. Ms. Anna Bifkinglutch of Olivia , Minnesota was enjoying what seemed to be a peaceful day at the fair. She had just started consuming her Teriyaki Ostrich on a stick Kabob, when a large hawk settled next to her. Bifkinglutch had often thought that she had the ability to communicate with birds, animals, insects and certain types of fungus, and stared directly into the bird’s eyes and started making clucking , screeching and chirping noises. Within seconds the Hawk sprang forward and plucked out Bifkinglutch left eye, and swallowed it. Bifkinglutch screamed and started flailing around wildly, which angered the hawk and it immediately snatched out her remaining eye and flung it into a gathering crowd of onlookers. The eye landed in the “Slush Puppy” of little Tang Wong Toi, who screamed with delight and gobbled up the second eye.

Bifkinglutch began spinning in circles screaming “I can see Mars! I can see Venus!”, when in all actuality all she could not see anything. As she stumbled into the crowd, a teenage boy, high on dope, pushed her away and cried, “I am not your f---king glazed doughnut!” As Bifkinglutch fell against another fairgoer they in turned pushed her back away. Within moments a circle had formed around Bifkinglutch, and all the spectators were shoving her from one side to another, faster and faster. “Make her cry!” shouted a Mexican girl in the crowd “Make her cry like a baby! C’mon Bitch, Cry!” Unexpectedly a large Mexican man grabbed the Mexican girl, unsheathed his machete and cut her head off with one chop. As the crowd cheered, he flung the gaping mouthed head into the ring of people where it rolled right to the feet of Bifkinglutch. After kicking the severed head repeatedly, Bifkinglutch picked it up, gouged out the eyes and forced them into her own eye sockets. “I feel pretty…Oh, so Pretty…I feel pretty, witty and Gay!” sang Bifkinglutch, who continued to stumble as the crowd parted to make way for her exit. As Bifkinglutch wandered aimlessly down Liggett Street, the hawk came from behind, screeched and tore off her left ear. After a loud shriek, Bifkinglutch calmly chanted “I must suffer for my craft…glurble, bicoklic, gnuding, cratcicknik” .The last a Bifkinglutch part of what she had said seemed to sooth the hawk, now perched on her head, and the two wobbled about down the street. A small child walked up to Bifkinglutch and offered her some cotton candy, Bifkinglutch replied “I am an apron”, after which the hawk tore off her other ear and flew away. A local crew of street janitors guided Bifkinglutch towards the first aid station and accidentally dropped her down an open manhole immediately prior to her entering the building. All janitors fled in separate directions.

Meanwhile the crowd had dispersed from the sight of the occurrence, leaving behind only body part fragments and the headless corpse of a Mexican girl. The State fair police arrived, studied the scene, kicked the lifeless body around for a few minutes, then wrapped the body up in black plastic and drug it into the sun, behind the WCCO broadcasting booth “That ought’a smell real nice in a couple of hours” said one State Fair police officer.

See what you missed at the fair today!

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIPS

"JEEZZUSS, Cynthia, How many times have I tol' you not to eat things you've found in the dirt...That's why we bring Michael along!"

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIPS

"So I Says to the guy, I says...the real union soldiers had uniforms made of Wool...WE should have uniforms made of wool! Christ! I must'a been Stoned at the time!"

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE: AUGUST 26,2008: ROBOT GOES HAYWIRE KILLS 7 FAIRGOERS

ROBOT GOES BERSERK, KILLS 7 AT

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR

"It happened so quickly, all I could see were bodies being hurled through the air" cried Juanita Gonzaga-Sanchez of Montevideo, Minnesota. Which is what many others would have said...if they weren't DEAD!

What was turning out to be a normal peaceful day at the fair, the first of this season in fact, was soon to fall in line with all the other days of tragic loss over the past week. This time occurring right outside the 4-H building of the Minnesota State Fair. Little Dickie Locknsphrotzkin, of Fridley Minnesota was demonstrating his entry in the science and technology exhibition of the 4-h club, when something went awry. Locknsphrotzkin had built a robot he had ordered from the back of a comic book, however had made significant changes and alterations in the design and function. "The cheap-ass robot in the comic did nothing when it arrived" said Locknsphrotzkin, "so I made a few changes." It was later found that some of those changes included powering the robot with grade A plutonium, adding a human brain from a friend at school, and substituting hydraulic fluid with Hydrochloric Acid. "It was going to be the greatest Robot in the world." said Locknsphrotzkin.

To the best of any one's knowledge, the turn of the events were as follows. Locknsphrotzkin brought the robot outside in order to demonstrate how agile and "smart" it was. As Locknsphrotzkin played with his remote control box the robot started greeting fair goers in the crowd, when all of a sudden a small girl with an extremely bad haircut approached the robot and said "Gimme' Five , Asshole!" and held out her hand. The robot responded by slapping the girls hand so hard that it ripped from the socket and went sailing into the Mexican Village , at which point it was ripped to shreds and eaten by a starving dog chained up behind the "Tacorito on a stick" booth. The girl shrieked in pain and released a string of obscenities at the robot, which responded by slapping the girl so hard that her entire body sailed through the air and landed in the front lawn of the haunted mansion where several teenage boys on crack, thought she was a real zombie and beat her to death with socks full of pennies they had on their persons.

The crowd around the robot had become hysterical with laughter, believing that this was a show. A man lusting for attention, pushed his son into the robot yelling "Kick Him! Kick Him!", however the robot responded rather than the boy and the mechanical nightmare kicked the small boy all the way into the Midway, where he landed directly into a boiling vat of grease from the Indian Tacos & Fry bread stand. The vendors removed the boy from the vat within about three minutes and started serving pieces of him on a bun claiming it to be pork.

Apparently the crowd around the robot wised up and realized that the robot was out of control, and 5 men charged the robot to bring it down to the ground. However the robot was to large and all the men succeeding in accomplishing was providing more fodder for the robots blood lust. The robot picked up three of the men and wrapped their limbs all together and then crushed them into a small ball, laughing maniacally while accomplishing the amazing feat. The robot then hurled the ball against the side of a Vending trailer which splattered all around with fragments of humanity. One small girl near the trailer had a severed ruptured stomach land over her head, she ran screaming wildly and uncontrollably in circles until a State Fair Police officer struck her in the head with a knight stick, knocking her out cold. He then drug her into the sun, where the stomach started to sear to her head. A young boy scout nearby quickly ran up to the small girl and tore the stomach off of her head, along with most of her hair and scalp. He then ran off whooping like a Hollywood Indian and was immediately struck by a car and killed.

The Angry crowd all raced over to Locknsphrotzkin and grabbed the control box, and forced Locknsphrotzkin to eat it. They then hurled Locknsphrotzkin into the robots arms whereupon the robot laughed and threw Locknsphrotzkin to the ground and started stamping on him. Locknsphrotzkin screamed "no Jimmy, No...it's me Dickie, ... but the robot stomped all the harder. The robot then vocalized for the first time "You F---king bastard! You cracked my head open and put my brain into this piece of crap! Whereupon the robot picked up Locknsphrotzkin , spun him over his head and flung Locknsphrotzkin into the local street performers group of "Mimes for Satan". The Mimes took turns ripping Locknsphrotzkin apart and tossing scraps into the crowd. Losing himself to the feverish pitch of the event, one Mime ran up to the robot climbed up his back and managed to tear it's head off. The Mime hurled the head into the crowd where they all started tossing it from one to another like a beach ball at a rock concert. The robot started spraying acid all over the nearby fair goers. "It was like a golden shower of needles and pretty colors" said a young goth teen, who then passed out , vomited and drown in his own sick.

Eventually the robot crumpled to the ground amongst 30 or so severely burned fair goers. A local overweight man passed by the scene while consuming a Dogzilla Corn Dog, staring and muttering " I voted for Nixon, I voted for Nixon", and continued down Carnes avenue, where he stepped off the sidewalk incorrectly and crumpled onto the hot asphalt and died of a stroke.

See what you missed at the fair today!

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIPS

"Oh Sure...I Could Wear this...if I wanted to look like a WHORE! Thanks for the help...BITCH!

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIPS

"JEEESUS KEEE-RISTE! What the Hell did they Feed You today??!!!"

BLOG DISCLAIMER

Disclaimer: The information on this sight is in no way sanctioned or in partnership or connection with the actual Minnesota State fair. The information on this site is fictional and any names characters and incidents are of no existence and and purely in the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever bearing the same name, names or likenesses. All photos have been legally used from the Minnesota State fair and other public domain websites. Photos portrayed on this website, although used from other sights, have no actual bearing to how the photo may have been used, displayed, or portrayed in actuality. This site is completely fictitious and is the creation of the author.

PLEASE NOTE:
THIS SITE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY AND WILL BE CONSIDERED DEMEANING, OBJECTIONABLE, RACIAL, SEXUAL, POLITICALLY INCORRECT AND IN POOR TASTE. THIS SITE IS NOT SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE (NSFW) ,AND ALL READERS ARE FOREWARNED OF THIS MATTER. READER SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OF AGE, OR HAVE PARENTAL SUPERVISION ON THIS SITE.

WITH THAT SAID:

WELCOME TO THE
MINNESOTA STATE FAIR NEWS

STATE FAIR QUICK_QUIPS

"Okay, Thelma...This is number 23 (grunt), keep goin' (gurk), lets try for (snork, wheeze) number 24 (chortle, gak)"

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE AUGUST25,2008:

CORPSE FOUND ABANDON AT FAIR

The body of a 75 year old man was found today laying beneath a tree outside of the horticulture building at the Minnesota State Fair. Although the news is sketchy, it appears that it was left there accidentally by the State Fair Police after they extracted it from underneath the tilt-a-whirl in the midway.

"I was there when it all happened" shouted Reginald Jones, a local Saint Paul man suffering from VMS. "There was this ol' dude and he was hangin' aroun' the Tilt-a-whirl, waiting for little kids to get off. He would then rush up to them hit them in the stomach with a plank and make 'em jerk up their lunch. If he liked what he saw, he would grab a spoon and have himself a hearty hot meal! I think he liked Scotch egg on a stick the best!"

Apparently several of the children whom the man had accosted, told their parents and one man, known as "Large"Lou Lingdengrook of Blaine, Minnesota located the 75 year old man and served justice on him. "I swear, Man..." , reported Johnny the crackhead, a local meth dealer of Brooklyn Center "this guy f---in' crushed up the ol' guy into a f---in' ball the size of a f---in' chihuahua's f---in' head, man". Then he f---in' shoved him under the f---in' Tilt-a-whirl, right through that f---in' little door underneath, man!f---in' harsh,dude!" At which point Johnny burped up a combination of blood and milk and collapsed into a nearby hedge, where he commenced releasing his bowels.

Little Billy Snatchbottom, of Hackensack, Minnesota told the state fair police that he had seen a man get shoved under the Tilt-a-whirl. The police all laughed at Snatchbottom saying that what he had seen was physically impossible, ridiculed his large ears, tore the visor off his baseball hat, kicked him in the groin and forced him to eat mud. "Fat Sam" a volunteer police officer from Lino Lakes, Minnesota laughed so hard he choked on a bite of his pork chop sandwich, twirled around 3 times, blew beer out his nose and dropped dead on the spot. After a second report of the same occurrence by another fair goer, the police gassed Snatchbottom, stuffed him into a gopher costume, threw him into a diorama in the DNR building, and went to investigate the report.

Upon arrival, the State fair police opened the door beneath the Tilt-a-whirl, and shoved a small girl that was passing by into the crawlspace. "Don't come out you little bitch, until you find something" commanded officer Bernie Popalopoconglius, of Rogers. After about 4 minutes, the girl returned with 38 cents in loose change, a tobacco tin, a hank of hair, 2 used condoms, and the arm of a corpse.

The police wrestled the corpse free from the Tilt-A-Whirl and carefully shoved it into a large brown hefty garbage bag. Once the body had been bagged, they hauled it off in the general direction of the horticulture building where they removed the body and drug it into the sun. According to the police chief, they had every intention of relocating the body later on, but all ended up getting drunk at the Titty-bar on the south side and passed out. "Guess that will teach that guy to respect our authority" said a nameless State fair Police officer, who then started gnawing his own arm off and dissapeared into the Midway.

See what you missed at the fair today!

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIP

"Just Keep Calm, No One Will Notice ...Gawd, I knew wearing these Ass-less pants today was a bad idea!"

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE Aug 24,2008: Man Beaten to Death by Giant BEE

LOCAL BLUE EARTH, MN MAN BEATEN TO DEATH BY GIANT MUTANT BEE

Of all the occurrences at the Minnesota State Fair so far this year, today's mishap seems to be the strangest. Local Boy Band Member, Jimmy Grugergub of Blue Earth, Minnesota was apparently enjoying his day at the fair, when out of no where an over sized mutant bee came up behind him and beat him to death with a large club. "It was the weirdest thing" said local buffoon Terry Moynaugh. "This kid was having a good time playing grab ass with his friends, when all of a sudden there was this sound...it sounded like when you mash 7 or 8 pink pencil erasers into your dad's electric pencil sharpener. Then this HUGE ASS Bee showed up with a club and started whacking the hell out of this kid! Christ, it was funny! I really wet myself!"

Jimmy tried defending himself against the bee, but was severely hindered when two of his "friends" pulled his pants down, kicked his knees out from under him and poured their rootbeer floats all over him. "It must have really angered the bee, because he just kept hitting that kid repeatedly like a pimp on skank-ass whore!" With what little strength Grugergub had remaining, he crawled towards the Christian Dining Hall for refuge, but was met by a local gathering of "The Southern Baptist Dikes for the preservation of freakishly large insects and barbed wire" whose leader started screaming in tongues and flailing wildly, occasionally taking the time to kick Grugergub repeatedly in the face as he lay on the hot asphalt.

St.Paul native Jon Rask said"I was going to help him out as soon as I finished my project, which turned out to be an empty attempt of aid as Jon's project was standing beside the "Ye Old Mill" attraction, peeing into a cup and asking passerbys to sample his new drink.

State fair police arrived relatively quickly and forced the bee away from Grugergub, however it was far to late to save the pathetic man. "We figured the best thing to do now, was drag him into the sun, coat him with miracle whip and other condiments and let him spoil like a bowl of potato salad. " stated officer Pklyndgfjkhlk.

Within a few moments, Grugerubs friends located him, carried him to the "Kamikaze" Bungee launch, placed their dead friend into the seat and had the carnie rocket his corpse into space, after which they all gathered in a circle did a massive group headbutt, and fell unconscious into the street. The State fair police arrived soon after and dragged them into the sun.

See what you missed at the fair today!

STATE FAIR QUIK-QUIPS

"So I says to the gal...No, I don't think it's vomit...I think it's urine! Why would my child have vomit all over his face?"

STATE FAIR QUICK-QUIPS

"Gawd is she HOT! I'd Like to WALK-UP and give her MY BISCUITS & GRAVY!"

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE August23,2008: 3 Roseville Women Lost at Fair- Feared Dead

3 Roseville Women Lost at State Fair-

Feared DeadTragedy once again struck at the Minnesota State fair today as three women who attended the fair, have not yet returned home. Amanda Hugenkiss, Lezley Bonstripghetklin, and Julia Wermermanjensen, all of Roseville, Minnesota; were last scene at the fair in search of the perfect Corn Dog. "It was her life's ambition..." sobbed Julia's mother "She wanted to find the most exceptional corn dog, steal the recipe, sell it on Ebay, make a million dollars, and put it all up her nose".

The last time the three women were scene was strolling along Dan Patch avenue, when apparently a long haired street person approached them with a note. "I saw 'dem give 'dis guy some munney", said Billy the Kiss-ass, a traveling carnie with Royal American Shows. "He gave 'dem sump'in and they kicked him in the crotch, took back 'da munney and ran off wif 'da paper." Then the long haired street person vomited and started rolling around in a pool of his own sick singing "I'm a little tea pot". Two State fair police arrived and began beating the man with knight sticks until he lost consciousness, at which point they pushed him behind a garbage can and left him in the sun.

"Her Friends were Idiot Whores! said Michael Bonstripghetklin, Liza's father. "It doesn't surprise me one bit that they are lost. Those three morons couldn't find the 7 -eleven store by our house; and we lived next door to it!"

A small boy who was severely sunburned mentioned that he thought he saw the three women heading in the direction of the Midway, and that they looked very confused. "They all had on backstreet Boyz T-shirts and they kept running into things like they were drunk." Unfortunately it was later learned that the sunburned boy was completely blind from an earlier incident of duct taping a glass mayonnaise jar containing 5 wasps to his face on a bet, and he had now become a habitual liar.

What is known, from various security camera footage and reports of non-blind people, is that the three women were seen approaching the midway, they were seen buying lemonade and throwing it on each other, the were also seen cavorting with a three legged man, python girl, lobster boy, and headless Bob, all of which work in the fair's "lost children recovery room".

As of yet, the three women have not yet been found. A traveling Carnie did say however, "The last time someting like 'dis happened we found 'em all chained in a trunk in Psycho Steve's trailer, being forced to read comic books and fart classical concertos of Listz, and Brahm's. The only classical music farting I have heard coming from Psycho Steve's trailer this season is a little Bach and some Beethoven ...so they must be someplace else.

...See what you have missed today at the fair

Minnesota State fair Update, August 22,2008: 2 Killed at fair stealing priceless Drunken Lawn Gnome

Disclaimer: The information on this sight is in no way sanctioned or in partnership or connection with the actual Minnesota State fair. The information on this site is fictional and any names characters and incidents are of no existence and and purely in the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever bearing the same name, names or likenesses. All photos have been legally used from the Minnesota State fair and other public domain websites. Photos portrayed on this website, although used from other sights, have no actual bearing to how the photo may have been used, displayed, or portrayed in actuality. This site is completely fictitious and is the creation of the author.
PLEASE NOTE:
THIS SITE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY AND WILL BE CONSIDERED DEMEANING, OBJECTIONABLE, RACIAL, SEXUAL, POLITICALLY INCORRECT AND IN POOR TASTE. THIS SITE IS NOT SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE (NSFW) ,AND ALL READERS ARE FOREWARNED OF THIS MATTER. READER SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OF AGE, OR HAVE PARENTAL SUPERVISION ON THIS SITE.

2 Killed at Fair stealing priceless Drunken Lawn Gnome

“Gregory” , Clontarf, Minnesota’s Mascot

In what seemed to be a relatively calm day at the fair, 2 teens and one unidentified man , were killed in a bizarre series of circumstances.

Josh Gugengrabber and Stepan Plotzkikni, both of Cannon Falls, Minnesota, were minding their own business eating Elephant ears in the midway, when a man dressed as a giant ear of corn was seen conversing with them. The Ear of corn was waving a fistful of cash at the two boys and pointing down to the opposite end of the Midway. “I sees ‘dis gian’ ear’o cone, wif’ lotso scratch in ‘is han’, and I was goin’ to hit him wif a pipe an’ take it” said an on looker”…but ‘da boys grab da’ money’ and run off wif it first!”. As odd as it sounds the large ear of corn then disappeared into the crowd.

The boys were later seen crouching in the corner of the 4-H building, and what happened next wasn’t exactly clear. The 2 tuffs ran through the building screaming “All praise to Gandolf, God of the world and sky”. Then one of the boys picked up a chair and hurled it through a plate glass window that was protecting the priceless statue of “Gregory the Great Fart Sniffer” mascot and source of pride for the town of Clontarf, Minnesota. One of the boys grabbed the effigy and tucked it under his arm, while the other boy started throwing broken glass at the onlookers and urinating on the floor. The boys fled through the south door of the 4-H building, and accidentally ran into a ongoing Pentecostal conclave of “Gnome Haters for Christ”, who happened to be on their annual “pilgrimage of blasphemy and sin”. Seeing the statue that was toted by the boys, one GHFC member dropped to his knees and cried “ You have delivered these abominations into our hands and we will determine their fate as we see fit!” after which the members started whipping the boys with large brightly colored yardsticks and rolled state fair maps. As this scene progressed into a violent bath of blood, broken sticks, paper, and hot corn dog grease, the giant ear of corn re-immerged from the crowd, grabbed the pilfered statue yelling “Yoink!” and raced off with Gregory under his arm. The corn forced his way through the crowd arriving at the Grandstand where a new display for “BIG JOHN’S BACKYARD BBQ & HOME CREMATORIUMS” was being introduced. The corn raised the wooden Gregory statue above his head, lost his balance and went tumbling into the open flame where upon his polyester suit seared to his body and roasted him alive, immediately before exploding into a million pieces. “It was great”, said 88 year old Harmon Stone of Bethel, Minnesota , “How often do you get to see carnage like that?... An exploding ear of corn, a flaming wooden gnome, shirtless boys in the midway, a large Bull’s Penis in the Hippodrome…”

Many onlookers made numerous attempts to try and retrieve Gregory from the flaming pit, but soon realized they enjoyed the fire more than the actual likeness of what one fairgoer described as …”the foul smelling, beer swilling mascot of a dying armpit of a town that should rot in hell.”

All was not lost however, as Ida Kobbupurass, from Ceylon, Minnesota, with the foresight of a greedy entrepreneur, picked up fragments of the large ear of corn, bagged them up and sold them as “COB-stoppers…permanent popcorn”, which could be chewed on all day long, and still taste like crap.

(above)Fairgoer views remains of Gregory

(below) Ida Kobbupurass of Ceylon, Minnesota

See what you missed at the Fair today….

end

Disclaimer: The information on this sight is in no way sanctioned or in partnership or connection with the actual Minnesota State fair. The information on this site is fictional and any names characters and incidents are of no existence and and purely in the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever bearing the same name, names or likenesses. All photos have been legally used from the Minnesota State fair and other public domain websites. Photos portrayed on this website, although used from other sights, have no actual bearing to how the photo may have been used, displayed, or portrayed in actuality. This site is completely fictitious and is the creation of the author.PLEASE NOTE: THIS SITE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY AND WILL BE CONSIDERED DEMEANING, OBJECTIONABLE, RACIAL, SEXUAL, POLITICALLY INCORRECT AND IN POOR TASTE. THIS SITE IS NOT SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE (NSFW) ,AND ALL READERS ARE FOREWARNED OF THIS MATTER. READER SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OF AGE, OR HAVE PARENTAL SUPERVISION ON THIS SITE.

Minnesota State Fair UPDATE: August 21, 2008 3 KILLED ON OPENING DAY OF THE FAIR

3 Fairgoers Killed within 10 Minutes
Of State Fair 2008 Opening!

It would just seem to good to be true, that the Minnesota State Fair would be able to go through a single season without some major tragedy occurring within moments of the opening of the great event. This year was no exception to the classic slogan amongst fairgoers"Who is gonna bite it today?" The answer came within 8 minutes of the grand opening when A Montgomery Minnesota Woman named Liza Bifapicack, was hurled through a plate glass window of the newly renovated Food Building.

According to a local street man who had snuck into the fair, Liza Bifapicack was fiddling with the zipper on her hoodie when the ribbon at the main gate was cut and the throngs of eager fairgoers poured through the entrance. It was at that time everyone present was immediately aware of a serious design flaw in the gates...all except Bifapicack.

As the crowds pushed mercilessly through the gates a small unknown boy(seen in the photo above in lower left), hid by a ticket booth until he spotted his mark. Racing from his position, the boy grabbed a loose dangling hood string from Bifapicack's hoodie and wrapped it around a stanchion pole near the gate, as the crowd pushed their way through the small openings of the gates , fairgoers could hear screams and a woman shouting "My Neck, what the hell is happeni..." Without skipping a beat, the Crazed Minnesotans hoisted Bifapicack into the air and tried forcing her through the turnstyle. "We all had to be the within the first 100 people in the gates in order to get our 25 cents off a Backstreet Boys concert ticket! The hell if I'm letting some Goddam brainless tart gyp me outa' that prize." retorted 96 year old Angeline Stolvitz of Marshall, Mn. "I want to see those sweaty boys!". The crowd didn't consider the constant plees for help from Bifapicack, but instead shoved her through the only opening they could, a small decorative arch designed strictly for ventilition, which caused her spine to snap into three pieces. When she dropped from the hole on the other side of the gate into the mob, a man with no teeth cried "Thee Amigoth' the ith twyin' to ge' in wid ow pang!" Which the crowd heard as "Hey She is trying to get in without paying". Later it was determined that the toothless man was really just asking where to find Hot dish on a stick in Spanish. The angry Minnesotans who had properly paid for their tickets ganged togerther in a rush of fury and started moshing the paralyzed Bifapicack down Dan Patch Avenue. Before long the fairgoers had all freakishly united in a disturbing chant of "Free Tibet in 2008" and kept passing Bifapicack over their heads. In a last ditch effort, Bifapicack cried "The string on my hood..", afterwhich the same man yelled "She thayth the thtwing on my fud" which the crowd heard as "Bring me my food!" This infuriated the crowd, that this woman was now commanding them to bring food. It was at this point that all hell broke loose. "We'll show her where to get her f---ing food! cried Wilanda Jones, a local woman from St.Paul, And she forced the crowd to pass Bifapicack to the south down Cooper Street towards the food building. A loud man from Sleepy Eye, Minnesota jumped up on a statue of Pronto pup and screamed"All Hail to Satan!:"and started spitting Orange Julius into the crowd. The angered Mob was so irate at this demonstration, they heaved Bifapicack's body with an immense shove and flung it through the plate glass window of the food building. With their hands now free they grabbed the man from Sleepy Eye and and lynched him on the spot. As his lifeless body hung from the hat of Pronto Pup, a small frail woman passed out large wooden canes to children telling them that the dangling man was a pinata and if you hit him hard enough he would break open and give them candy. With that, the screaming children walloped the man intensly until his bowels split and his entrails exploded onto the children "F---ing Menudo, this is not candy" cried one child with a mouthful of intestines!,,and the children started beating each other with the canes, as the old woman who had started the incident laughed and cackled with glee. She then died of a massive stroke.

See What you missed at the fair today...and that was in the first 10 minutes!

Blog Disclaimer

Disclaimer: The information on this sight is in no way sanctioned or in partnership or connection with the actual Minnesota State fair. The information on this site is fictional and any names characters and incidents are of no existence and and purely in the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever bearing the same name, names or likenesses. All photos have been legally used from the Minnesota State fair and other public domain websites. Photos portrayed on this website, although used from other sights, have no actual bearing to how the photo may have been used, displayed, or portrayed in actuality. This site is completely fictitious and is the creation of the author.

PLEASE NOTE:

THIS SITE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY AND WILL BE CONSIDERED DEMEANING, OBJECTIONABLE, RACIAL, SEXUAL, POLITICALLY INCORRECT AND IN POOR TASTE. THIS SITE IS NOT SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE (NSFW) ,AND ALL READERS ARE FOREWARNED OF THIS MATTER. READER SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OF AGE, OR HAVE PARENTAL SUPERVISION ON THIS SITE.

WITH THAT SAID:

WELCOME TO THE

MINNESOTA STATE FAIR NEWS