MINNESOTA STATE FAIR UPDATE: AUGUST 30, 2008: 7 MISCREANTS DIE AT FAIR

7 PERISH IN FREAK FIRE
AT FAIR

"It was as quick as that!" said Old Gramma Firshensteinhemmer from New Ulm, Minnesota. "One minute they were their and the next...nothing but smelly charred ash!" So is the account of 7 delinquent children at the fair's demise this year. Apparently a group of truant children decided that today was a good day to skip school and attend the Minnesota state fair...they chose poorly. Desiree and Wanda Wonderkindiddle and 5 other children from Le Seuer Minnesota were having a wonderful day at the fair, eating , drinking, playing doing all the things one does at a frolicking fair. Except they were supposed to be in school. The Wonderkindiddle sisters Desiree, 19 and Wanda, 17 were heard ahead of time saying "F--K School! I is the Smotest Girl in the World! and We is smot' Enuf an' don' need no mo' skoolin'...we cum to the fair fo' som' fun!" The two older sisters brought along their 5 younger siblings, Jimmie, Jackie, Jerome, John and Throgmorten, to show them what was beyond the school room walls. All were having a great time, and decided that they would stop for a break in the shade. While taking a breather outside the hippodrome in some large bails of hay, one child yelled "Look All, comfy beds jus' like the ones we have at home! and all the kids climbed into the hay bales for a quick play and nap. What they had not realized, was that they hay bails they had chosen had been recently used as barriers in the "Minnesota Monster truck and drag race exposition", and had been recently soaked in gasoline from "Truckzilla's" unfortunate demise during that prior event. "It was amazing!" said a toothless degenerate passing by the scene "Even I could smell 'da fumes from dose bails a hay...and I ain't had a bath in 5 weeks and really stink!" However Wanda decided that this was a good time for a smoke and lit up her lucky strike cigarette. She then called over to one of the boys "Hey Jimmie...Ever seen a match burn twice?" and threw the lit match at the boy. "That was all she wrote! said Old Gramma Firshensteinhemmer "That pile o hay became a fortress o' flames and a really quick crematorium for those yung'uns!" I laughed like hell...even though it wasn't all that funny!" I guess that bitch who claimed she was the smartest girl in the world, wasn't smart enough to read the sign right above her head. Ha! stupid Bitch!" Old Gramma Firshensteinhemmer , then went into a choking fit, brought up her lunch, and died of a stroke with a huge smile on her face. The state fair police quickly arrived at the scene, hoisted up Old Gramma Firshensteinhemmer , and drug her into the sun. They hung a sign around her neck reading "I died laughing at the fair!"and then disbanded leaving the corpse to rot.

See what you missed at the fair today.