In a truly Bizarre set of circumstances, a large apple head troll doll came to life at the Minnesota State fair today wreaking havoc on the patrons. It all started when two boys, Shawn Mybutstinx and Billy Skiba, both of Moundsview, Minnesota . Were checking out the local art in the Fine Arts building. "I can piss on a towel and drag it across the floor and make a better painting than that" said Mybutstinx, commenting on a large artwork by local artist Liz Kicinkrotch, of Evelith, MN. Skiba said "I'll do a better one right here and now! shouted Skiba, and promptly pulled down his pants , made stool, danced in it and blew his nose over the creation. Mybutstinx, then urinated on the floor over the mess. "F---ker! shouted Skiba at Mybutstinx, now you've wrecked it! and Skiba shoved the other boy who bumped into a large standing display of an Apple head Troll doll depicting typical dress of Trolls in 1858. The boys heard something, and looked up, as the troll doll started to move. "JESUS!" screamed Mybutstinx, and the troll made a loud growl and lunged forward. "Who defiles my home? shouted the troll. With that Mybutstinx evacuated his bowels, and fell back into it. The troll picked up the soiled boy and shook him violently, before tossing his body across the room and through the "Good Garden insects" display releasing thousands of Black backed Hornets. The whole building became a sea of screaming fair goers. "Save the paintings, Save the paintings! shouted a Pakistani woman in the crowd, moments before she was crushed by a large statue of Al Frankin made of dried mucus.
The Apple head doll then took flight in the building , soaring over patrons heads and dropping rotten meat from under it's cloak. An Scottish man in a kilt and dressed like a highwayman leaped up and tackled the troll, bringing it to the ground. "I know what ye' fears! cried the Irish man" and rammed a bag pipe extension into the trolls chest and blew on the pipes. "The noise was excruciating!" commented Wanda Jefferson, "My Chil' make dat noise if I don' feed him crack fo' a few days!"
As the Scottish man and trolled tussled, the state fair police arrived with large clubs and boards with nails protruding from it. One policeman had a sock full of pennies.
As the tussle continued, The troll appeared to be being defeated until he reached under the Scottish man's kilt and tore off his scrotum. "AHHHHHHEEEE! Me Family Jewels!" screamed the Scottish man, who in his pain grabbed one of the police man with a plank in his hand and swatted the Apple head doll repeatedly with both the policeman and weapon simultaneously. The Troll was showing no sign of tire in the tussle.
Moments later a man dressed as Robin Hood from the nearby "Robin Hood Flour" booth, arrived on the back3 of 3 midgets. Laughing hysterically the garbed man set an arrow aflame and fires it into the head of the apple troll., followed by two more flaming arrows. The troll stood upright and screamed and it's head exploded into millions of scolding hot apple fragments, covering the midgets and with molten apple. Two midgets dropped dead, and the third went screaming into a display of "Minnesota Goose Down Products", where he was covered with feathers and continued running and fleeing the building.
The apple troll was staggering aimlessly around the building , when, 4 year old Billy Frongstring of Wyoming, MN took out a butane lighter walked up to troll and set it on fire. Squealing with Glee the boy raced around the flaming troll and started throwing gas on it. In a blinding flash of flame both the troll, and Robin Hood Vaporized. Little Billy was hurled through the air and was later located on top of the Space needle.
The state fair police started the usual crowd control procedure, and finding no corpses or bodies from the event, clubbed a St. Louis park teenage boy and drug him into the sun.
See what you missed at the fair today!
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