BAN FROM THE FAIR THIS YEAR...AGAIN!

For those of you who have never had the experience of trying “Nitro-Cream” at the fair, you will not get the chance to do so this year either. Brothers Tom and Erskin Garchunkski, of Blaine, Minnesota have once again been ban at the fair for 2009. The two simple brothers from the Northeast Twin Cities Suburb have repeatedly pitched the idea of their “Nitro-Cream” as a vended product at the fair. “They (Fair Approval Commission) have a thing against polyester shirts” said Erskin. “We spent all the money we had to invest on our flashy apparel, and had no money left for product presentation or research for that matter”. When the MSFC (Minnesota State Fair Commission) was approached as to the validity of their reason of refusal, spokesperson Vidalia Jones stated “ We ain’t jus’ lettin’ in any F***in’ moron that thinks they have a produc’ ta sell!...Sh*t! Those two F***ers wanted to sell that nasty Sludge here for ‘da las’ Four years! I wouldn” let my Crippled, One eyed, Tailless, retarded dog eat ‘dat Sh*t! F***!” When the brothers were approached about the ingredients in their product Tom Garchunski stated “It’s all natural! We found this big pool of white foamy stuff near the gravel pit by the cement works out behind the Shoreview Armory, and mixed it with sand, tree bark chips, steel mesh wire, brake fluid and valspar white paint. All these ingredients are locally grown! What more natural products can one get??!” When we told the brothers that what they had just described their product contents as being more industrial waste than natural Minnesota Agricultural yield, Erskin Commented “SHRIMP!” and went quiet. When asked why they did not at least try to make their product appealing, Erskin stated that they could not find a source that could supply them with any committed amount of either ice cream cones or plastic bowls. We later found that their source of inquest was from “Bob’s Freezy’Cone” off Hi-Way 10, that went out of business back in 1961. “They never returned our calls” stated Tom. So we had no choice but to use “recycled” containers that we found on the sides of the road, in garbage cans, from the bottom of the lake, and other places we frequent. Last year was better said Erskin, We had found several sleeves of plastic cups from “Zapata Mexican Restaurants”, with this really cool lookin’ hopped up Mexican guy with guns on them.

So once again an entrepreneur’s dream has been dashed by the almighty MSFC, but the brothers were not the only ones turned away this year, also refused were the vendors of Cattail soup, paper-mache spaghetti, fiberglass peanut brittle (on a stick), Pig Scrotum (on a stick), LACT-ADE, dental floss pudding, Torsk-ini, Walleye Smoothy and Authentic Leprechaun Legs (the real thing). So keep in mind as you partake of the abundance of tasty treats of the Concessionaires, that high above you a force much smarter and greater than you is looking down upon the APPROVED snacks and thinking…”Son of a bitch! They are putting in their mouths what I wouldn’t hold in my HAND!”

…Only 4 days until MiNNESOTA STATE FAIR 2009! What are you going to miss this YEAR??!