Amazing as it may seem, a new record was set today on the very first day of The Minnesota State fair. Only 4 people were killed today, breaking all the records of the past. According to Amanda Kickamyass, the last time that the Minnesota state fair laid waste to such a few number guests was in 1906, when 5 people were killed. “We have dreamed that this day would one day arrive and here it is in 2010” claimed Kickamyass. “Not that we wish to belittle the deaths of the 4 patrons killed today, but I think it is a cause for celebration!”
The deaths occurred pretty much within the 1st two hours of the fair. The death commencing the spree, occurred at 7:08 am, to Luellen Grichnik of Belle Plaine Minnesota. Grichnik entered the fair and immediately rushed to the shaved ice stand by the main entrance. “Watch me WOLF this Snow cone!” screamed the 84 year old Zealot, and he shoved the whole cone into his mouth at once. He waived his arms triumphantly, then began to sway from side to side. Without warning, Grichnik then vomited his Snow cone all over a passing 6 year old girl, while clutching his head screaming “BRAINFREEZE! BRAINFREE….!” And dropped to the ground dead. The 6 year old girl screamed a stream of obscenities, and kicked Grichnik’s lifeless head in the face repeatedly, until one of his eyes popped out and lodged itself in the child’s open mouth. The child was turning blue when a nearby Asian man, Wong Gong, from Minneapolis grabbed the child and started swinging her by the feet in a propeller style manner, “I get out eye! I get out eye!” hollered Gong. However before the eye could dislodge from the child’s throat, Gong accidentally struck her head against a steel “no parking” sign post, showering the horrified spectators in the little girls blood and grey matter. Gong then let go of the child’s legs and let her sail through the air into a large refuse bin. The crowd cheered at Gong’s responsible manner of body disposal…then descended upon him, tearing him to shreds alive! One teen was seen running toward the 4-H building waving a severed arm and screaming “it’s mine…It’s all mine!” The arm was found later lodged in the control mechanism of “Ye Olde Mill”, thus delaying the opening of the attraction.
The final death of the day was unrelated, when the Minnesota State Fair police located the body of Salina Gildoquontz face down in a toilet in the ladies restroom on Cosgrove Street in the education building. The termed the death as “sewer-side”. Then lay her body back behind the building in the sun to dry.
See what you missed at the fair today!
The deaths occurred pretty much within the 1st two hours of the fair. The death commencing the spree, occurred at 7:08 am, to Luellen Grichnik of Belle Plaine Minnesota. Grichnik entered the fair and immediately rushed to the shaved ice stand by the main entrance. “Watch me WOLF this Snow cone!” screamed the 84 year old Zealot, and he shoved the whole cone into his mouth at once. He waived his arms triumphantly, then began to sway from side to side. Without warning, Grichnik then vomited his Snow cone all over a passing 6 year old girl, while clutching his head screaming “BRAINFREEZE! BRAINFREE….!” And dropped to the ground dead. The 6 year old girl screamed a stream of obscenities, and kicked Grichnik’s lifeless head in the face repeatedly, until one of his eyes popped out and lodged itself in the child’s open mouth. The child was turning blue when a nearby Asian man, Wong Gong, from Minneapolis grabbed the child and started swinging her by the feet in a propeller style manner, “I get out eye! I get out eye!” hollered Gong. However before the eye could dislodge from the child’s throat, Gong accidentally struck her head against a steel “no parking” sign post, showering the horrified spectators in the little girls blood and grey matter. Gong then let go of the child’s legs and let her sail through the air into a large refuse bin. The crowd cheered at Gong’s responsible manner of body disposal…then descended upon him, tearing him to shreds alive! One teen was seen running toward the 4-H building waving a severed arm and screaming “it’s mine…It’s all mine!” The arm was found later lodged in the control mechanism of “Ye Olde Mill”, thus delaying the opening of the attraction.
The final death of the day was unrelated, when the Minnesota State Fair police located the body of Salina Gildoquontz face down in a toilet in the ladies restroom on Cosgrove Street in the education building. The termed the death as “sewer-side”. Then lay her body back behind the building in the sun to dry.
See what you missed at the fair today!
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